Dear Management,

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:

1- I do physical labor
2- I work at great depths
3- I plunge head first into everything I do
4- I do not get weekends or public holidays off
5- I work in a damp environment
6- I don’t get paid overtime
7- I work in a dark workplace that has poor
ventilation
8- I work in high temperatures
9- My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request for
the following reasons:

1- You can not work 8 hours straight
2- You fall asleep on the job after brief work
periods
3- You do not always follow the orders of the
management team
4-  You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations
5- You do not take initiative — you need to be
pressured and stimulated in order to start working
6- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end
of your shift
7- You don’t always observe necessary safety
regulations, such as wearing the correct protective gear
8- You will retire well before you are 65
9- You are unable to work double shifts
10- You sometimes leave your designated work before
you have completed the assigned task
11- And if that were not enough, you have been seen
constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two
suspicious looking bags

Sincerely,
The Management