In the last two weeks we have witnessed the angel of death fly low and soar off with three prominent sons of the land. The two, Fr. Albert Byaruhanga and Brian Bukenya died on our potholed roads, while a nasty homicide case claimed Major General James Kazini.
The country woke up to news of the General’s body lying in a pool of blood at his girlfriend’s slum rental following a domestic brawl. Tongues are still wagging with many unanswered questions, some wondering how a man who survived bullets, mortars, landmines and all other killers of warfare could have gone down so easily at the hands of a girlfriend!

I overheard a group of drunken youth discussing the incident, with one giving a brilliant suggestion: You need to buy a helmet if you are married or in any relationship, as long as it involves a woman.

My neighbour, a marriage counsellor at a local born again church, keeps emphasising that even when you don’t contract sexually transmitted diseases, you can’t miss sexually transmitted demons!
Many local news reporters and commentators have used all forms of demeaning words to describe the lady under whose hand the General fell.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and mine is that this homicide was a crime of passion, a quick decision taken by an obsessive lover. I am not intending to exonerate Ms Draru or downplay her intention for the murder or manslaughter of this great fighter, but just shedding some light on the emotional contribution which could have been unintentional.

Obsession is excessive attachment to an object or event. We have seen it in sports. Remember the guy who killed himself because Arsenal lost? When it comes to love, countless cases of acid attacks, murders and suicide are often reported in the media. Beware of anyone who claims that if you ever fall out, they will die because if they don’t, someone else will, and most likely it is you.

Such lovers are too attached to their mates that they track all their movements, call them many times in a day with typical questions like, “Where are you? I can hear noise in the background, who’s that woman/man?” They check the messages to their mates and may go an extra mile to put a “watch person” who monitors and reports their whereabouts.

Often times they have a history of unmet emotional needs in childhood, growing up as orphans or with abusive parents. This explains their extreme attachment and gross fear of rejection in case someone shows they care. They get extremely protective and may exhibit morbid jealousy on their partners, fighting off any threats, real or imagined.

Putting Draru into perspective, born in a village, runs to the city at the age of 16, becomes a prostitute and miraculously a General falls in love with her. Many prostitutes are in that trade because they have a low self image and thus are looking for reassurance to their ego by having many men. Prostitution instead worsens this feeling because men who use them are extremely selfish; abusive and some don’t even pay for the services.

Then suddenly a loving man – even Phoebe confesses so – comes by and becomes her god, gets her a better house and takes her to executive happening places. Realise how she is very controlling because they hang out together till late but barely had the General removed his socks than she summons him. I wouldn’t be shocked if the argument was as trivial as to why he went to wife instead of staying with her.

You also realise from media reports that she had settled and stopped her night trade because she got what she was looking for. She is also reported to have paced around, frenzied and crying because possibly she was shocked he was dead.

With all this, it’s clear she was madly in love, an obsessive lover who could have killed in a fit of rage. Therefore, if you have a lover who tracks you down, checks your messages, calls you 10 times a day claiming to miss you or because of love, be very careful; you may get more than you bargained for.

Dr. John B. Niwagaba